February 5, 2007

Things That Should Change In Baseball

Now that the 2007 season s almost upon us, This writer has a few casual observations about the game which need to be mentioned.

First, get rid of the "Doo Rag." Don't ask me why, but it's the sight of a grown man wearing a rag on his head is just plain irritating. Take it off, put on your cap, and play the game already.

Second, the sunglasses belong on your face, not on top of your hat. This writer is well aware that players receive money from sponsors to wear sneakers, use certain bats, gloves, etc. But, when makers of sunglasses pay a ballplayer to wear their sunglasses, they should be required to actually put them on their faces, and not on top of their hats. You're not at the beach, you're on a ball field. If this writer is going to shell out a week's pay to cart my family into the Bronx to watch you play, then employ the eye wear your being paid to show off to shield your eyes from the sun and catch the %@!*&^$#@ ball already. We all know that you're a millionaire baseball player, don't rub our noses in it by showing off a $300 pair of sunglasses you don't need, want, or ever intend to wear when not playing.

Third, enough with the sunflower seeds already. I'm sure the sunflower seed company gets a pretty penny from Major League Baseball to use their sunflower seeds over anyone elses. Quite frankly, I don't care what the deal is, I get nauseous when the camera pans the dugout and 25 guys are shown spitting wads of phlegm covered shells all over the bench, floor, and onto the field. Also, there's nothing like downing a couple of bags of salty snacks in ninety five degree heat when you have to run around on the field. I'm no scientist, but if you ingest too much salt and mix it with a drink full of electrolytes like Gatorade and run around in the blazing sun on a hot day, won't you spontaneously combust? Here's a suggestion: give the players hot dogs in the dugout. Babe Ruth ate four or five of them during each game and look what that did for him.

Fourth, every time a player pauses to admire his handiwork after hitting a home run, he should be fined ten thousand dollars. To a multi-millionaire, this is chump change. However, a $25 parking fine won't make or break this writer, but it sure is enough to make me pay attention next time I look to park somewhere. A ten thousand dollar fine for shoving the opposing team's face in it should wake a few guys up and run around the bases.

Finally, enough with the jewelry already. Do you really need gold chains around your neck to play ball? This writer remembers when baseball was a sport played by men who charged into home plate ready to take the catcher's head off with his spikes. One isn't likely to take such risks while wearing pretty jewelry, expensive sunglasses, and nicely quaffed head of hair under a doo-rag, and a mouth full of mashed up sunflower seeds.

These are some of the things this writer wants to see disappear in baseball. watch this space for more as the season unfolds.

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