Michael Kannengieser's Substack Page

December 28, 2008

A Keyboard and a Knife: Editing for Blood


Since I was a child I’ve been learning to write. With some formal education and a lot of reading and research, I’ve stumbled across lessons and maxims which have helped me shape my voice and influenced my style. Some of these items which have come my way are adages, wisdom which I can no longer attribute to a particular source. Most useful to me in my endeavors is this line: “A good novel is not what you put into it, but what you take out of it.”

My first novel was written before I heard that quotation. Back in early 1991, I had the gall to think I could write a book. Like my previous short stories, I had characters in mind, a plot, and grand ideas about how to proceed. But, a novel? That is a lot of work, I thought. As I proceeded, I typed away with reckless abandon. The result was a ninety six thousand word manuscript which received dozens of rejections from literary agents and publishers alike. The common complaint was that the “pacing” was slow. Translation: It was too long.

In retrospect, I realize that I did not edit enough. Yes, I pored over the piece for typos, grammar mistakes, and punctuation usage. Yet, I declined to remove all of the excess verbiage and unneeded paragraphs. Like a cluttered room in a tiny house, much could be eliminated. There are passages describing streets, the weather, characters that appear in brief scenes and flowery prose which do nothing to advance the story. Before sitting down to write this article, I took the bulky manuscript out of its box and felt the weight of it in my hands. Examining the enormous size of this work, I surmised that I’d need an axe to chop away the excess.

It’s too late to fix that work of fiction now. I am on to bigger and better things. A lesson I took away from that experience is that I now do much of the editing as I move along. I’ll type out a page or two on my computer and hurry back to examine the length of the section which I am creating. After a break, I read each paragraph, slowly, and then hack away with the delete key. Perhaps I act hastily at times, but I write with my gut. This has become my process of authoring and maybe one day I’ll be rewarded with the so-called success of brick and mortar publishing. Until then, I am a hacker, a steamroller of an author with a sharp scalpel in my back pocket.

Yesterday I began my fourth novel. It is a story which combines many elements of my personal life; and, I am expanding those themes into a tale of a man who reaches the pinnacle of his life while at his lowest point. Having advanced a mere two pages into this outline, blood has already begun to spill. Nouns, verbs, and whole sentences are falling to their early deaths long before anyone other than the eager author, me, has had the chance to read them and make them live. It is nasty work; heartless, cruel, and very necessary. A good novel is not just what you manage to type. It is the result of some cold blooded editing.

-Michael J. Kannengieser

June 23, 2008

Threads of Yesterday


My parents took me to the doctor for an emergency examination while I was in kindergarten. They had a sense of urgency that, at five years old, I had never seen before.

Our family physician wrote a prescription and sent us home. I remember thinking nothing of it until I was spoon-fed the foul mixture and gagged before swallowing it. My parents also woke me in the middle of the night to give me the same elixir again.

Youth and the fog of memory cloud one’s perspective and make the image in the rearview mirror of the mind fuzzy.

I needed the medicine, yet I wasn’t sick.

Back in 1968, things were very different from what they are today. I didn’t even have a pediatrician. But the fact remained that something had given my parents and the doctor a scare.

A young girl in my class had died of viral meningitis.

She was five years old, and it still troubles me.

I do not remember her name or even her face.

Perhaps, as I write this, there is a mother and father who pause each day to recall her laugh, gaze at her photograph, and shed a tear forty years later. By now they are elderly. Perhaps they are grandparents.

Yet how could they forget her?

My life and that of this little girl crossed at one point. Though the thread connecting us was thin, there was indeed a portion of the fabric of space and time in which we shared a common patch of Earth and moved along a collective path toward maturation.

Sadly, she did not make it any farther.

To a greater degree, her parents traveled along that same path and stood at the edge of the plane of existence I had shared with their daughter.

Is the tiny ripple of one youthful life great enough to cause a wave of emotion powerful enough to continue to intrigue a grown man?

Four decades have passed, and I still think about my late classmate.

She has the effect of keeping me focused, reminding me that my life is supposed to have significance.

I will explain.

My cynicism has caused me to question my life’s purpose. I’ve rejected the idea that destiny and fate have any influence over me.

Yet, looking back, I can see how past events led me to where I am today, and sometimes it feels like fate.

The people who have accompanied me on my journey thus far—including family, friends, teachers, coworkers, and some of the victims I encountered during my years in law enforcement—have all contributed bits and pieces of truth and awareness that occur to me only when I cast off the cloak of skepticism and become open to the possibility of serendipity.

I want to remember this young girl from elementary school.

I can still see where she sat in class and the back of her head. With her brown hair gathered into pigtails, she sat upright during those first days of school and listened to Mrs. Sisti teach us the ABCs.

Is it fair that I made it this far in life and she did not?

What does it mean when a child dies?

How do I justify the additional years of life I have been fortunate enough to receive simply because I did not get sick?

My conscience cannot easily reconcile transience, the algebra of survival, and cosmic disproportion.

For that reason, I am compelled to assess my endurance and make good on an unearthed vow evoked by introspection and an unadulterated scrutiny of what I deem to be providence.

Why do I live?

How am I so fortunate?

And what is the toll for continuing along this thoroughfare—this life?

For the sake of so many who came before me, including this girl of whom I write, I will endeavor to be a good person.

My goal shall be to contribute something to the rest of us.

Each day, I give a bit more, I think, as I follow a new thread I’ve discovered with my eyes open and my mind cleared, if only briefly, of disbelief.

My children have now surpassed the young girl in age, and hopefully—God forbid—I will never mourn as her parents have.

This girl, this fleeting life, still teaches, though her responsibility was never to die.

It was to grow.

There is a photograph buried in an archive of snapshots and Polaroids at my dad’s house. Captured somewhere among those collections is an image of me in kindergarten.

I remember when the class portrait was taken.

Her mom and dad no longer brought her to school by then, and she never hung her finger paintings in the hallway with the rest of us for open-school night.

I intend to dig that picture out of the drawer where I keep memorabilia.

The will is there, but not the effort.

Perhaps I will find it one day when I sit back and consider my life and how I got here.

Sometimes, whenever I recall everyone I have known over the years, a little girl nudges me and reminds me that she once lived and that she mattered in this world.

Her parents should know that a new filament has been cast across the dimensions between life and death, and their child continues to weave herself into the fabric of someone else’s being.

I will hold on to the lifeline offered to me by my classmate and keep myself grounded in the belief that I must justify my existence by living it well.

Decades ago, a mom and dad lost their daughter. This man, once a boy in her kindergarten class, will never forget her.Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape



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