Tales from the Notebook: Hello Neighbor

Dear Readers,

It’s time for another Mr. Grudge classic dug from the pages of one of his old notebooks. This short story, “Hello Neighbor,” dates all the way back to 1992. I hope you all enjoy this one. Thanks for stopping by.

Hello Neighbor

This is a tale of woe.

It began after my wife and I moved into an apartment after we got married. We rented the top floor of a two-family house, with our landlords living downstairs. They were quiet folks who never bothered us. The street was a dead end and had very little traffic.

It seemed like the kind of place where we could lead our own lives in private and be left alone.

That was not to be the case.

Our neighbor across the street, a short, bald man in his sixties who lived with his mother and his ailing wife, gradually began to rattle our existence.

At least mine, anyway.

During my everyday comings and goings, he would stop whatever he was doing—raking, washing his car, painting, whatever—and stare at me whenever I was outside.

The ice finally broke one day, after weeks of this, when I was taking a sack of laundry from the trunk of my car.

He was standing in the street, dangerously close to me, beside his car.

I couldn’t help but glance over.

Our eyes met.

“Laundry?” he said.

Stunned, I hesitated.

“Laundry?” he said again.

“Oh yeah,” I answered. “I just picked it up.”

I walked over and stuck out my hand, waiting for him to shake it.

He smirked, climbed into his big yellow Caprice, and drove away.

This began a trend.

A few days later, I was trotting toward my car when I sensed “Mr. Eye Spy’s” laser beams burning through me.

I didn’t even look up.

My latest practice was to jog directly to my car without so much as a glance in his direction.

“Work?” he said.

I kept going as if I hadn’t heard him.

“Going to work?” he asked again.

I had to answer him. I was steeped in Catholic guilt, and my parents had taught me always to be respectful to my elders.

“Oh no, I’m off today.”

Once again, I started toward him to make conversation.

He turned and went inside his house.

Later, when my wife returned home from work, I brought this up to her.

I explained how every time I went outside, it was like dodging sniper fire with this guy.

He was everywhere.

Even at two o’clock in the morning, he’d be sitting on his lawn in a lounge chair making another one of his frivolous observations.

“Home from work?”

“Off to work?”

“Groceries?”

“Books?”

Ad nauseam.

“You’re paranoid,” she said.

“I’m telling you, the man watches everything I do and always asks me about it.”

“He never does that to me,” she said. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen him more than three or four times.”

“Well, I see the guy all the time. He’s all over the place. Hell, he might as well come live with us and study me more closely.”

“Now you sound crazy. Go over and talk to the man. He’s probably just lonely. The only people he has to talk to are his sick wife and senile mother.”

“Maybe he’s senile too?” I said. “Anyway, I’ve tried talking to him. He just walks away.”

“Then ignore him.”

“I tried that.”

“Really, honey, you’re making a big deal over nothing. And quite frankly, I’m sick of hearing about it.”

“But…” I stammered.

“No buts. If I hear another word about this, I’m going to have you checked out.”

I didn’t respond.

She was right.

Maybe I was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

After some thought, I decided he was probably just a lonely old man who wanted to make friends but didn’t know how.

I shouldn’t let him get to me.

A few days later, I came home from the supermarket with some things for a special dinner my wife was going to cook for us that night.

I was at the door, my arms loaded with grocery bags, struggling with my keys.

Suddenly, the door opened.

“HE” appeared.

I learned later that he had been visiting my landlords.

Startled by his appearance, I tumbled backward and my bags spilled everywhere.

Luckily, I landed on the lawn.

The groceries didn’t fare as well.

Everything hit the walkway and either shattered or dented.

He walked toward me, careful not to step in the puddle of goo forming on the brick pathway, and looked down.

I raised my arm so he could help me up.

“Fell, huh?” he said.

Then he stepped over me and strolled across the street to his house.

That night, I told my wife the latest.

Even she was miffed by his callousness.

She speculated that even if he had been physically incapable of lifting me up, he should at least have acted concerned.

She did maintain, however, that with or without him there, I probably would have dropped something anyway, since she thought I was a total klutz.

After dinner, when my wife wasn’t looking, I pored over the real estate section of the newspaper looking for a new apartment.

My plan was to convince her that even though we were saving to buy a house, we should rent an apartment closer to where we worked and save money on gas.

But I was too chicken to bring it up.

Somehow, she’d make the connection that I wanted to move just to get away from the jerk across the street.

Plus, I was afraid she’d start ranting again about me being obsessed or crazy.

Also, I was afraid she was right.

About a week later, I was leaving for work on the night shift.

I made my usual sprint across the front lawn to jump into my car before “HE” appeared.

I made it to my Honda and was putting the key into the door when it dawned on me that he was nowhere around.

Then I heard a strange gurgling sound, like someone choking.

The noise came from his yard across the road.

I walked over, in complete defiance of every convention I had established for myself.

Near the bushes in his side yard, I could make out the figure of a man lying on the ground in the darkness.

It had to be him.

After going back to retrieve my flashlight from the trunk of my car, I entered his yard and ran over to help.

His face was so pale it seemed to glow in the dark.

Sweat poured off him.

He was clutching his chest.

For the first time, I looked into his eyes and saw vulnerability.

Stricken with panic, I stood there with my mind racing.

Should I call 911?

Start CPR?

I was confused.

Then total calm came over me.

I stepped closer, got down on one knee, looked him squarely in the eye, and said:

“Heart attack?”

Then I got up and went to work.

His wife, good woman, made some tasty sandwiches after the funeral.

The End

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The Toughest Thing To Write, Was Not

Writers are often called upon to perform unpleasant tasks, such as write an obituary, or to report on a tragic news story. For me, the most emotional, yet easiest piece I ever wrote was the eulogy for my mother. For many years, she battled both cancer and systemic Lupus. Unfortunately, there was plenty of time for her and the rest of us to contemplate her death. There was no hope, as the oncologist told her: "Ann, there is nothing we can do for you."

As I and my family kept vigil at her bedside, there was no avoiding the fact that she was going to pass on. Somewhere in my mind, I began to formulate the words which were to become her eulogy. As morbid as that sounds, she was my mother, and in those final, meditative moments of her life, I had time to summarize all that she meant to me and to the rest of us. From there, I was able to envision my thoughts and emotions, and ultimately put them on paper.

In fact, because I am one of those fiction writers who often insert my actual memories into the many pieces I author, I was able to steal a vignette from a short story I typed out on an old Smith Corona typewriter before I was married. On the way home from my parents house on the night my mother passed away, that scene played out in my head just as I wrote it all those years earlier, but the reasons why I opted to put it on paper were just as valid then as on the day she died when I chose to put it into her tribute.

The scene in my short story was crafted from a memory I had as a small boy. I couldn't have been older than the age of five because my little brother was an infant then. I can still see myself sitting in a chair at the kitchen table of our home as my mother cooked dinner for all of us. She was tired and her back was hurting, but she seemed happy. Dad came home from work, and he walked up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. When he walked away into their bedroom, my mother began to sing, softly to herself. I don't think she knew she was singing, or that I was there watching her, in awe of her beautiful voice. The song she sang was "Ave Maria." Perry Como would sing it on his Easter special every year, and my mother would never miss a performance. At times, she would sing along with him, the light from the television reflecting on her face, revealing her misty eyes.

She stayed like that in my mind for decades with her bright red hair pulled back, and with her family all coming home to enjoy her delicious cooking. She was at peace with herself, and I always look back on that moment whenever I’m feeling depressed or going through a hard time for inspiration.

My mother suffered a myriad of illnesses for most of her adult life which can now be attributed to Lupus. Her fight with cancer lasted well over ten years, and she needed at least three surgeries on her spine. Still, just being home and cooking for her family was enough to make her smile and sing the only song she loved so much it made her cry.

It was natural then, on my ride home the night she died, that I chose to immortalize that memory and share it with all of our friends and loved ones who came to show their respects for her at her wake. I removed that scene from that short story, in effect killing the fictional character that lived it in typeset, and returned it to its rightful owners. You see, I was the young voyeur that day, watching from my chair as she inspired me with her beauty and toughness. However, she was the one who lived through the pain and discomfort and became the example to us all. Her eulogy then, was easy to compose, as I had been writing it for my entire life in all of my stories and essays. She was one of my major influences, and she was my inspiration for that short story which was actually all about her in the first place.

As an author, I imagine everything, and yet, create nothing. As for every project I begin, I start from my birth, borrowing from all of my experiences until I've completed my latest manuscript. With the toughest assignment I ever undertook, it was, ironically, the easiest, because my writing was always inspired by my mother. I merely needed to summarize everything she was and will still be to all of us who remain. One day, when my own story ends, perhaps someone will be kind and pen a few words about me. Hopefully this won't be difficult for that person, as I wish to live my life with dignity and leave a proper example for my children, just as my mom did for me.

eulogy death mother cancer Lupus short+story manuscript obituary news oncologist