Yeah so, YouTube has figured out that I am overweight. Now I am bombarded with ads for DXL (heavy guy clothing store) before each video I watch. To add insult to injury they don’t even give me the option to skip the ad after five seconds like all the others. I am forced to watch fat guys dance (dance! — as if!) while sporting DXL’s stylish clothes for the stomachly- enhanced. I don’t know if they’re trying to give he a big, fat hint, or if they are torturing me, or both. At least they aren’t dieting commercials. Apparently they wizards of marketing don’t think I want to lose weight, but I will simply buy larger sized clothes.
September 4, 2021
Double Blind
I opened Facebook this morning and what do I (ha ha) see? An ad for not one, but TWO eye patches! Now, I’m not only wondering why Amazon thinks I need an eye patch, but do they think that I’m missing BOTH eyes and I need a pair of them? If that was the case then why not sell me sunglasses? And, if I WAS missing both eyes, how the HELL am I going to read their eyepatch ad?
Deli Time
When Albert Einstein taught us about time dilation, he demonstrated mathematically that the closer a clock is to a source of gravity, the slower time passes. The farther away it is, the faster time passes. BUT — what Einstein did NOT know is that behind the deli counter at Stop and Shop, time doesn’t move at all!
I Have Time to Write
Often when people find out that I am an author, they respond with "I don't have time to write." Well, neither do I, but I make time for it. Also, folks will tell me that they're writing a book. I'll ask, what's it about? They'll pause, and then say, "Well, it's complicated." Or, "It's different, it's tough to explain." Yep. That's sounds compelling. A complicated, different, tough to explain book is all anyone wants to read. One thing I learned since being published is that if you can’t summarize your novel in a few sentences, then you had better figure out exactly what it is you’re writing. Since I was a kid I wanted to write. It's one of the few things that I do that is truly gratifying. It's like painting, sculpting, or any other art or craft. I do this for me — for myself —and the time I spend doing it is time well spent. If others enjoy the story, the experience becomes even more satisfying.
“You’re All Set” and Other Ways to Say ‘I Don’t Care’
“You’re All Set” and Other Ways to Say ‘I Don’t Care’
by Michael J. Kannengieser
At some point—probably during the Great American Personality Shortage of the 2010s—shopkeepers quietly replaced the phrase “Thank you, come again” with the utterly bland, dismissive, “You’re all set.”
Oh, am I? All set to never come back?
Look, I’m not asking for a red carpet and a 21-doughnut salute every time I buy a cup of coffee, but would it kill some of these business owners to show even a whiff of gratitude? Especially post-pandemic, when every customer walking through the door is a small miracle and a mobile ATM with a pulse.
Pro tip to the guy at the deli who acts like I’m interrupting his important staring contest with the slicer: I can get a sandwich literally anywhere. I can tap my phone and have three pastrami heroes and an Uber Eats driver will deliver my food in less than an hour. Your store? Optional.
And yet, there’s this attitude—this smug indifference—that seems to say, “We’re doing you a favor by being open.”
I’ve traveled. I’ve eaten. I’ve shopped in states where people behind the counter smile, make small talk, and—brace yourself— say thank you. Imagine that. Manners with your mozzarella sticks.
So yes, Mr. Pizza Parlor Guy: You, too, can be grateful. Even if you’re busy. Even if you’re tired. Especially if you want me to come back.
Because you may think I’m all set.
But I’m not.
I’m gone.
Just a Little Hurricane
Hurricane Henri 2021. We were hit, okay, lightly tapped. Actually, we were waved to by this storm. We lost a twig from one of our trees and our lawn was watered. For this Long Islanders pillaged supermarkets and hardware stores and drained the pumps at gas stations all day yesterday. It doesn’t take much of a threat for polite society to tear at the seams. While I am grateful that this hurricane fizzled, I still worry that the slightest interruption of our daily lives can send law abiding citizens into a stockpiling frenzy.
More Nice Guys
I watched the Netflix special on Bob Ross. Without giving much away, he is described as being the same nice guy in real life that he portrayed on his program. A particularly poignant testimony to the power of his message comes from a man who sat down one day in his living room contemplating suicide. On TV was Bob Ross creating another landscape on his show, “The Joy of Painting.” After watching the entire episode, the man went out and bought a canvas, paints, and brushes and no longer wanted to kill himself. What a powerful combination of art and happiness this man wielded. Unfortunately, he died young at age fifty-three. The world needs art — and better yet — more people like Bob Ross.
Just a Thought...
Why is it that whenever I’m relaxed and content with nothing to worry about, my mind decides that it’s the perfect time to play highlight reels of embarrassing moments in my life?
October 24, 2019
New Novel! The Heart of Velletri
Michael Koenigsmann is a police officer and the son of a World War II veteran. Michael spends his life investigating how his father was wounded in battle, left for dead, and nearly buried alive during the Italian Campaign. His father, Gene, won’t reveal what had happened to him while overseas. Michael is fascinated when he learns that his late grandfather, Alphonse, was a gangster during the Great Depression. Also, Alphonse was a veteran of World War I. Michael’s journey begins with him trying to discover how his father survived the war and came home to lead the life of a devout Catholic, rather than be influenced by the criminal lifestyle of his father. At the end of his life, Gene tells Michael his story. He honors his father by arranging for a congressman to present Gene with his Purple Heart which he never received for nearly dying in the Battle of Velletri. After Gene’s death, he must accept his own shortcomings as a father and as a husband to move on with his life. The Heart of Velletri is available on Amazon in print and Kindle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)